Iran Develops Exploding Midgets

Tel Aviv - Iran has been accused today of breeding explosive midgets. Israel is calling for Iran to  hand over all midgets by the the end of the week.

Aaron Grepschlach, the head of the Israeli's spy agency said today, "We recently captured an Iranian explosive midget and have been studying it over the last few days. Unfortunately, the midget exploded, killing five of our top scientists."

It appears as though Iran have infused DNA from a Pakistani midget with a highly volatile explosive composition. It is not certain how the midgets are produced; whether they are bred from midget women or cloned, but Aaron Grepschlach is claiming that this threat is far beyond Iran's nuclear project. "If these midget are realeased on Jewish soil, then, who knows what the damage could be. These midgets are capable of crawling into air ducts, under public toilet doors and could probably even ride domestic dogs. They are incredibly difficult to shoot and some may even find them adorable. The reality is, these things can explode on will!"

An Iranian soldier prepares to throw a midget like a Molotov Cocktail

Breaking News: Bin Laden Still Alive

A US led investigation has confirmed that Osama Bin Laden is still alive. In fact, there may be more than 1,500 Bin Ladens hiding around the globe.

Mahmout Humbali, a captured Taliban fighter, lived with Osama Bin Laden in a cave for over three-years. The CIA interrogated Mr. Humbali using classified techniques, involving a telephone book, baton, electric wires, a car battery and a doberman-pincher.

Mr. Humbali spoke to us from his cell in Guantanamo Bay prison, “Osama had a lot of money from supporters around the world. He paid German scientists to make clones of himself. At first, it was pretty cool. He even let me make a clone of myself, but I was killed by an F-18 while milking a goat outside the cave. We past the time by making the Bin Laden clones cage-fight to the death, or, we would involve them in plays. The Sound of Music was my favourite.”

The CIA display one of Osama's clone capsules.

The CIA claim to have captured over 50 Bin Ladens and have killed another 30 or so. The latest was captured in Ohio and employed as a circus clown, another a flight attendant.

Mr. Humbali went on to say, “Osama Bin Laden, after a while, had over 30 copies of himself. These copies began to copy themselves as well, so, we ended up with hundreds and hundreds of Bin Ladens. In the end, no one knew who the original Bin Laden was. They all claimed to be him, and, in a way, they were. One day, there was a massive brawl. Many Bin Ladens died. After this the remaining replicas left the cave and went their own way.”

Taliban Study Astronomy

Admiral Ackbar, the leader of one of the most violent Taliban tribes in Afghanistan has discovered the beauty of astronomy. "I used to look at the moon and think it was some dirt stuck on my eye, but recently, I downloaded a movie from the internet called Tom & Jerry. It was then that I realised the moon was not dirt stuck in my eye after my home was bombed by the Americans, but, rather, a large floating ball in space made of cheese!"

Admiral Ackbar studies the moon's craters from his own crater in Afghanistan.

Suicide Bombers Seek World Peace

Left: "I am peaceful. I will punch your face if you don't believe it!"

At least for one man, the message of peace is important in a world of conflict and misery. Babbas Aliebi is sick and tired of the media portraying Islam as a violent and murderous religion.


“We have been trying to tell the world for years that we are a peaceful people, but our message has fallen on deaf ears. Nobody listens. Nobody hears us. The only way we can get our message across is to use suicide bombers. It is the only way to make people listen,” said spokesman Babbas Aliebi.

“Last year was extremely productive. We blew up a kindergarten, two planes and a hospital wing all in the name of peace. If we can make people sit up and listen to our message of peace then we have done our job. We are a peaceful people and will kill to make people understand this.”