Peace Loving

Breaking News: Bin Laden Still Alive

A US led investigation has confirmed that Osama Bin Laden is still alive. In fact, there may be more than 1,500 Bin Ladens hiding around the globe.

Mahmout Humbali, a captured Taliban fighter, lived with Osama Bin Laden in a cave for over three-years. The CIA interrogated Mr. Humbali using classified techniques, involving a telephone book, baton, electric wires, a car battery and a doberman-pincher.

Mr. Humbali spoke to us from his cell in Guantanamo Bay prison, “Osama had a lot of money from supporters around the world. He paid German scientists to make clones of himself. At first, it was pretty cool. He even let me make a clone of myself, but I was killed by an F-18 while milking a goat outside the cave. We past the time by making the Bin Laden clones cage-fight to the death, or, we would involve them in plays. The Sound of Music was my favourite.”

The CIA display one of Osama's clone capsules.

The CIA claim to have captured over 50 Bin Ladens and have killed another 30 or so. The latest was captured in Ohio and employed as a circus clown, another a flight attendant.

Mr. Humbali went on to say, “Osama Bin Laden, after a while, had over 30 copies of himself. These copies began to copy themselves as well, so, we ended up with hundreds and hundreds of Bin Ladens. In the end, no one knew who the original Bin Laden was. They all claimed to be him, and, in a way, they were. One day, there was a massive brawl. Many Bin Ladens died. After this the remaining replicas left the cave and went their own way.”

Islam is the Way

Muslims around the world remind us on a daily basis that the future will be an Islamic one. Below is an artists impressions on what that future may look like.

Okay, Okay, Islam is the way, for Christ's sake. Can you get me out of these chains and get me a robe?

A tour guide.


"And this is where the US used to be."

The first Muslims to step on the moon.


Aaqib: We did it, we have landed on the moon!


Latif: I'm not sure. Isn't that a 7/11 on the corner there?

Having run out of ideas for a Jihad, the Islamic council places one on itself.

I'll take this one. It goes with my hair.

Tickets are sold out at the latest stoning.

Women have a little fun by making a human egg-carton.

Suicide Bombers Seek World Peace

Left: "I am peaceful. I will punch your face if you don't believe it!"

At least for one man, the message of peace is important in a world of conflict and misery. Babbas Aliebi is sick and tired of the media portraying Islam as a violent and murderous religion.


“We have been trying to tell the world for years that we are a peaceful people, but our message has fallen on deaf ears. Nobody listens. Nobody hears us. The only way we can get our message across is to use suicide bombers. It is the only way to make people listen,” said spokesman Babbas Aliebi.

“Last year was extremely productive. We blew up a kindergarten, two planes and a hospital wing all in the name of peace. If we can make people sit up and listen to our message of peace then we have done our job. We are a peaceful people and will kill to make people understand this.”

Spider Muslim

Left: Mohamed prays on a mosque ceiling

In an astonishing display of super-human ability, Mohamed Al-Jezira prays on the ceiling of his local mosque. "I see this as a gift from God," Said Mohamed. "About a month ago, I wanted to give my wife a break, so decided to iron the clothes and vacuum the house. I reached into the linen closet and felt a sting on my hand. I then saw a red back spider and crushed it with my sandal. It wasn't until my wife asked me why I was watching television from the ceiling that I realised I had a special gift."

Some scientists believe that Mohamed is using mirrors to give the allusion he can climb ceilings. Brendan Belfast claims, "It's quite easy to fool people into thinking that you have spider-like abilities with a few mirrors, tape and instructions from Google. We have all seen David Copperfield make the Empire State Building disappear."

But Mohamed is unfazed and continues to use his powers for good. He hopes that young children will see him praying on a rooftop, ceiling or chimney stack and be inspired to follow his example.

Breaking News! New Jihad!

In breaking news, Muslims across Europe have declared jihad on juice. A spoksman, Ali Mihmoot, explained that not all juice were being targeted, "Apple juice is okay and so are some forms of dark berrie juice but orange juice and mango juice will bend to Alah's will. Ribena, which is a rich source of vitamin C is on top of our list. Apricot juice is unconfirmed at this stage, but we will have an answer on that by morning tea tomorrow."

Muslims marched and protested from London to Madrid, some drowning in the channel on the way. When asked for the reason of the jihad, one protester explained, "Lately, we have been running low on ideas for jihads. Last week we declared jihad on humming birds and only yesterday VolksWagons. Quite frankly, we are running out of ideas."

The Bangles Perform Live In Baghdad

In a breakthrough for Islam-West relations, The Bangles performed live in Baghdad last night to a sold out crowd of 30,000 men and an old woman who looked like a man. When asked on their thoughts on the historical concert, The Bangles replied, "We're in Baghdad?"

Left: The Bangles

Crowd favourites were songs Walk Like An Egyptian and Eternal Flame.

One fan stated, "Bangles what?" Another fan complained that he was not close enough to the stage to see the pop stars, "I was so far away from the stage, it could have been anyone singing and I would not have known the difference."

Below: An ecstatic fan cheers One more song!

Below: "Please Allah, make it stop!"