Muslim Spray

Peace Loving

SUPER-SHOCK!

Muslim Female Sings For Peace

Palestine - On Monday morning, Israeli soldiers were greeted by a Palestinian woman performing Michael Jackson's Thriller on a pile of rubble that moments before was her home. "It was crazy. We had just levelled a block of houses with Hellfire missiles and were approaching the rubble," explained Sergeant Goldberg. "At first I thought I heard somebody singing, then, as we approached, this woman sprang onto a mound of rubble and began singing at the top of her lungs. She sprang up so quickly my heart skipped a beat and one of my officers nearly shot her dead".

We located the singing woman in a back alley not far from where her home smouldered, practising her moon walk. Her name is Abdul-la Mansour and she had this to say, "I am not so good for cooking, or, sexual activities - especially with my mouth - but, one thing for sure is my beautiful voice and my dance performance. I wish to finish this war... my way. If I can bring a small sunshine ray into the hearts of these evil, brutish, smelly and non-human beasts, then maybe we can finally see peace."

" I-iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii've had the time of my liiiiiiiiiiiiiiife
No I never felt this way before,
Yes I swear, it's the truuuuuuth
And I owe it aaaall to you,
'Cause I've had, the tiiiiiiiiiiiime of my liiiiiiiiiiife
And I've searched through every open door
'Til I found, the truuuuuuuth
And I owe it all to you..."

Teletubbies try out for Olympic Swimming Team

Islam is the Way

Muslims around the world remind us on a daily basis that the future will be an Islamic one. Below is an artists impressions on what that future may look like.

Okay, Okay, Islam is the way, for Christ's sake. Can you get me out of these chains and get me a robe?

A tour guide.


"And this is where the US used to be."

The first Muslims to step on the moon.


Aaqib: We did it, we have landed on the moon!


Latif: I'm not sure. Isn't that a 7/11 on the corner there?

Having run out of ideas for a Jihad, the Islamic council places one on itself.

I'll take this one. It goes with my hair.

Tickets are sold out at the latest stoning.

Women have a little fun by making a human egg-carton.

Breaking News: Muslims Place Jihad on Themselves.

Below: Muslims attack themselves in the latest Jihad.

In breaking news, slightly more violence broke out today across the Middle East. Muslims across the region have taken up arms and begun attacking themselves in the streets.

One Jihadist, Mohamed Anmar, said, "I will not tolerate myself any more! I have suffered years of oppression under myself and today it will end!"

Mohamed slapped his face and punched himself in the stomach and said, "Westerners claim that we have                      run out of things to declare jihad on. Well, who has egg on their face now?"

Left : Mr. Anmar declares Jihad on himself.

Jani, mother of 5-month-old Ali says, "Muslims around the world enjoy participating in activities together. Our family was excited to hear about the latest Jihad. My little Ali couldn't wait to open his head with a sword. I am so proud of my little boy"

Left: 5-month-old Ali joins in the fun. "He's so cute," said the boy's mother. "He can't even hold his weapon by himself - I have to help LOL!"

Spider Muslim

Left: Mohamed prays on a mosque ceiling

In an astonishing display of super-human ability, Mohamed Al-Jezira prays on the ceiling of his local mosque. "I see this as a gift from God," Said Mohamed. "About a month ago, I wanted to give my wife a break, so decided to iron the clothes and vacuum the house. I reached into the linen closet and felt a sting on my hand. I then saw a red back spider and crushed it with my sandal. It wasn't until my wife asked me why I was watching television from the ceiling that I realised I had a special gift."

Some scientists believe that Mohamed is using mirrors to give the allusion he can climb ceilings. Brendan Belfast claims, "It's quite easy to fool people into thinking that you have spider-like abilities with a few mirrors, tape and instructions from Google. We have all seen David Copperfield make the Empire State Building disappear."

But Mohamed is unfazed and continues to use his powers for good. He hopes that young children will see him praying on a rooftop, ceiling or chimney stack and be inspired to follow his example.

Breaking News! New Jihad!

In breaking news, Muslims across Europe have declared jihad on juice. A spoksman, Ali Mihmoot, explained that not all juice were being targeted, "Apple juice is okay and so are some forms of dark berrie juice but orange juice and mango juice will bend to Alah's will. Ribena, which is a rich source of vitamin C is on top of our list. Apricot juice is unconfirmed at this stage, but we will have an answer on that by morning tea tomorrow."

Muslims marched and protested from London to Madrid, some drowning in the channel on the way. When asked for the reason of the jihad, one protester explained, "Lately, we have been running low on ideas for jihads. Last week we declared jihad on humming birds and only yesterday VolksWagons. Quite frankly, we are running out of ideas."

The Bangles Perform Live In Baghdad

In a breakthrough for Islam-West relations, The Bangles performed live in Baghdad last night to a sold out crowd of 30,000 men and an old woman who looked like a man. When asked on their thoughts on the historical concert, The Bangles replied, "We're in Baghdad?"

Left: The Bangles

Crowd favourites were songs Walk Like An Egyptian and Eternal Flame.

One fan stated, "Bangles what?" Another fan complained that he was not close enough to the stage to see the pop stars, "I was so far away from the stage, it could have been anyone singing and I would not have known the difference."

Below: An ecstatic fan cheers One more song!

Below: "Please Allah, make it stop!"