Jean Luc Picard Cleared of Murder

Jean Luc Picard was exonerated today and walked from court a free man. Facing charges of murder, judge Henry Adamson declared that the Star Trek actor could not be sentenced on a technicality.

"What did you thy calleth me?"

Jean Luke Picard's troubles started a year ago, when a school bus of children taunted the actor who was walking to work. "I was late for filming and walking briskly down 7th Avenue when a bus of school children pulled up beside me. I heard one child scream out, "I've seen more hair on an egg!" I was imediately angry. The final straw was a little girl who called out, "Look, his hands are in his pockets so he can feel his hair." 


That's when I flew into a fit of blind rage. I boarded the bus. I don't remember much, just decapitated little bodies, intestines and a spine in my left hand. I apologised to the bus driver and left."

But yesterday, Jean Luc Picard's lawyer presented evidence from the Old Testament which read:

...there Elisha went up to Bethel. While he was on his way, some small boys came out of the city and jeered at him. "Go up baldhead," they shouted, "go up baldhead!" The prophet turned and saw them, and he cursed them in the name of the Lord. Then two shebears came out of the woods and tore forty two of the children to pieces. [2 Kings 2:23-24 NAB]
"I had no choice but to let Jean free," explained Judge Adamson. "It's just one of those things. If God says it's okay to slay children for poking fun at bald men, then, who am I to question it?"